-> Click here to read in PDF with better formatting <-
When Mumbaikar Meets Madrasi
Come fall and fail in love…
To everyone,
To everyone,
Who are suffering from the pain of one side love.
Prologue
WARNING!!!This is certainly, not gonna be the story what you think it would be. No, not even an inch. This is straight from my head, maybe bit from my heart too about one pretty girl. Came in, and went out, leaving me alone. You may have had two, three or even more heartbreaks in your life. But, there is something special, some insanely painful about the first heartbreak that you wouldn’t forget till death. My father had one, your mother might have had one, I mean everybody has one. I was happy with my lonely life. Flirting was fun, dating was even more, except the bill part plus the extra tips to the waiter just to show off. My life was full of short tops, miniskirts, sexy curves and what not, you can guess it. She, in fact turned my life upside down. I tell you, one side love is a terrible pain. I wouldn’t curse it on my worst enemy. She loved me? I don’t know still till date, it hardly matters now anyways. Who am I kidding anyways? I fell in love with her, not she with me. Did I find her on Facebook and send her request? No, I merely accepted her request seeing her beautiful face. I gave her a place in my life, so basically it’s my fault. She never meant to be mine. Expectations like these are like drugs. But pain and loneliness brings the best out of a person. After all, writing itself is a lonely activity.
The Friend Request
Social networking is a boon, especially for singles like me. Single, never ready to mingle and a flirt as a part time job, of course until I got a friend request from one pretty girl some three months ago. NO!! One beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, mesmerizing hmmm..okay, I’m at loss of adjectives. She’s beautiful, smart, and more importantly sexy!! What else you ask for? I remember how I went crazy, looking at her profile picture exactly three months and six days ago.
‘NITHYA SUBRAMANIUM’, her profile name read.
Still, just like every desi guy does, either before accepting a girl’s request or sending one, I checked her birth date. Seven months was the difference and I gladly led it and did accept it.
“Hey hi, you look pretty , btw, do I knw u? “ I sent her.
I went mad, downloaded her pictures online, and stared at them. Her eyes, her lips, her hair, her dimple, her fair skin and she wasn’t any Photoshop edit. It’s the light, I see it in her eyes, that makes me feel so special about her. We meet someone every day, but there is always something about that one person which strikes your conscience down, makes you forget your breath and sends a cold shock down the spine. For me, that person is HER. Awwwww. She was a whole package, to make any guy go mad. Okay, you got some heavy competition bhai, I told myself. Thinking how many, would have stalked her before. I could see only guys commenting on her pictures. It made me even more nervous. No girlfriends? What if it’s a fake profile? I startled. I guess I was in love with her, feeling so special about her even before I had a word with the angel. I’m forcing myself to believe love in first sight. My thoughts in mean time, made me feel insecure. Don’t remember the last time some girl made me feel so. Am I good looking, to match her? Is my hair too curly? What if she hates curls? What about my hoarse voice? What if she is in a relationship now? Should I break
someone’s face? I had experience of flirting with the prettiest girls, my university enrolled. Would that help now? For god’s sake, I am falling in love not flirting.
someone’s face? I had experience of flirting with the prettiest girls, my university enrolled. Would that help now? For god’s sake, I am falling in love not flirting.
“ Hmmm, remember me? Velammal skool, Chennai? “, She instantly replied.
Thoughts, when in love, process at an incredible speed. I remember my school days, though I moved to now what is called Mumbai. AAMCHI MUMBAI. But how on earth, that first bench silent, nerdy girl, with braces who looked horrible in my school days, all of sudden so beautiful? I get it, the case study of blooming industry of personal care which my commerce college taught, at last has a significant example. Yet, she is beautiful man, no doubt. And that light within her, is too much to put aside.
“ Oh that Nithya? Hw’s life? Wat r u doing nw? “, I bombarded a series of diplomatic questions.
“ Yep Mr.Hindi ;-) .. I’m in Navi Mumbai, doing B.Sc, one yr into it . ”
“ Yep Mr.Hindi ;-) .. I’m in Navi Mumbai, doing B.Sc, one yr into it . ”
Chennai to Mumbai? Wow! How lucky am I!! She’s in my part of the world. Yes, Mumbai girls are fair, sexy, and girls with an ‘oomph’ factor, but there is something about these South Indians girls, the elegance, the beautiful sarees, homeliness. I admit, I had crush on many madrasi girls, when I lived in Chennai. Skin’s colour doesn’t define beauty, or does it?
“Wow, that’s cool. At least you found me. You really look like an angel in that green saree, isn’t it too illegal to be this beautiful ;-) ;-) ;-)”, I replied her. How can the flirt within me, die so fast? Still I admit, trying to woo a girl is one hard thing though. EVERYTIME IS LIKE A FIRST TIME.
The text was seen, she read it. But still no reply for past 5 minutes. It’s compelling for a guy to think, what if she doesn’t like you? Or why she is being such a strong head? Five minutes is like five years, maybe even a lifetime when you try to woo a girl, someone you probably love.
“Hmmm...” she finally replied. What a classical way to shun someone, do not read it as being modest, for god’s sake.
“So, what’s tomo plan? Bandhra tomo 5pm CCD? Long time“, I shot. Prayers on my lips for a date with her.Ganapathiji I swear on you for it.
The text was seen, she read it. But still no reply for past 5 minutes. It’s compelling for a guy to think, what if she doesn’t like you? Or why she is being such a strong head? Five minutes is like five years, maybe even a lifetime when you try to woo a girl, someone you probably love.
“Hmmm...” she finally replied. What a classical way to shun someone, do not read it as being modest, for god’s sake.
“So, what’s tomo plan? Bandhra tomo 5pm CCD? Long time“, I shot. Prayers on my lips for a date with her.Ganapathiji I swear on you for it.
Okay, don’t expect a yes as a reply. Madrasi girls are born that way. They smile at you, laugh with you, text you all night, talk with you for hours, share stuffs with you, they may have crush on you, might even fall in love with you, but never come out with you. Hardly had three dates, during my school days. HOW CRUEL IS IT!! Inborn legacy to make male race starve? Or is their sacred and scared nature?
“I have plans for shopping with my hostel frnds tomo. Sorry ”.
“I have plans for shopping with my hostel frnds tomo. Sorry ”.
I smiled and accepted my fate. What else you could do? Gate crash into her hostel and force her to come for a coffee? That would ruin a chance of being friends with her too. And the rejection ends with a smiley, how sarcastic!! AND HOW INNOCENT THAT SMILEY. She spent an hour reliving our school days and her ‘New to Bombay’ experiences. I tried few of my flirt pick up lines, it didn’t work. I couldn’t pin her down. It bored me but I shouldn’t resign. I’m stuck in love. Either you make it or break it. It’s a catch-22 situation.
One month passed, still I couldn’t decode her. I tried hard, very hard. She’s smart, real smart than what she looks to be. Beauty and brains is a deadly combo always. Still I learnt few things about her. She believes in love, but equally believes true love is hard to find nowadays. She means to put me out of the equation? She’s fond of guys who are responsible. A nail in the coffin for me, I not the one. Her definition of love is, it’s conceptual. My definition is just one word, NITHYA. Yes, she changed me a great deal in a month. I stopped watching Sunny Leone, and started to watch all those romantic movies instead. With great difficulty. I finally understood those crazy movies. I got hooked to phone just to talk to her, my thumbs pained still I didn’t care. All most forgot if I had any other friends. It was me, her and our phones.Quite a love story isn’t it? I mean my life was, was ummm… everything about her. But the worst part about her is she is commitment phobic. What worse else you can curse on a guy, who loves this girl. Commitment phobic? Seriously!? Arey, mere toh gaya. Yeh sa kuch hota hai kay?
One month passed, still I couldn’t decode her. I tried hard, very hard. She’s smart, real smart than what she looks to be. Beauty and brains is a deadly combo always. Still I learnt few things about her. She believes in love, but equally believes true love is hard to find nowadays. She means to put me out of the equation? She’s fond of guys who are responsible. A nail in the coffin for me, I not the one. Her definition of love is, it’s conceptual. My definition is just one word, NITHYA. Yes, she changed me a great deal in a month. I stopped watching Sunny Leone, and started to watch all those romantic movies instead. With great difficulty. I finally understood those crazy movies. I got hooked to phone just to talk to her, my thumbs pained still I didn’t care. All most forgot if I had any other friends. It was me, her and our phones.Quite a love story isn’t it? I mean my life was, was ummm… everything about her. But the worst part about her is she is commitment phobic. What worse else you can curse on a guy, who loves this girl. Commitment phobic? Seriously!? Arey, mere toh gaya. Yeh sa kuch hota hai kay?
“Never been to a pub in Bombay? Kya yaar, bring your frnds along, I will take you. ”, I texted her on what’s app. At least, got her phone number after a month’s struggle.
“Hmmm, let me see. Shld be interesting. Never been. Plus exams just got over should be fun.”
“I will take that for a yes ;-). Pick you at ur place @ 7pm.”
“No, I will meet you at Bandhra same time buddy.”
“Dress as you like, you look like an angel in everything ;-)”
“Hmmm.. I have to see into that, okay manisha, indu will come along with me. Cya sleepy zzzz...”
“That’s fine, I will arrange the passes”, I replied.
“Hmmm, let me see. Shld be interesting. Never been. Plus exams just got over should be fun.”
“I will take that for a yes ;-). Pick you at ur place @ 7pm.”
“No, I will meet you at Bandhra same time buddy.”
“Dress as you like, you look like an angel in everything ;-)”
“Hmmm.. I have to see into that, okay manisha, indu will come along with me. Cya sleepy zzzz...”
“That’s fine, I will arrange the passes”, I replied.
The First Date
Finally after a month, a long tiring month, thirty four days to be precise, I get to meet her. Ganapathiji I still owe you, even if it’s late. What should I wear? Which perfume? Should I buy a rose and kneel down to her at the right moment and propose her? Where should I kiss her, if at all? Would that be too cheap? What if she slaps me, in front of everyone? Every first time things are so nervous, it kills you within. It’s ridiculously wonderful to feel that way.
I borrowed a pair of branded jeans to match with a darker tee. Three hundred rupees and an hour at the saloon, hope the evening was worth it. Along with Namit, my sponsor for life cum friend I reached Bandhra. I found her, finally my angel in front of me. Her green saree was mesmerizing, it was simple. After all, the simplest things are the most beautiful. I dropped my jaw in awe looking at her. Her saree matched her little earrings, and rustic red bangles and her loose hair. I could sit in the car for hours and watch her across the road. I could see that invisible light in her. It lightened the busy road of Bandhra, it lightened my world, it lightened my life. An angel, across the road waiting for me. Wait a second, why the fuck a saree for pub? What taste she had? Seriously. Dare I comment on it anyways. That would take too many guts. And I can’t throw away this chance to spend time with her. After all, it’s my first date with Nithya.
“Hi Nitu, you look fabulous. Wow,” I smiled at her.
“Thanks a lot, Anup.” she blushed. Don’t girls love being complemented? How cute she blushed, I lost my heart beat for a moment.
“Where are your friends?” I enquired.
“Actually Anup, can we change the plan? I want to speak to you personally”, she said in a soft innocent tone.
We stared at Namit, who gave us killing looks. After all, five passes all gone wasted. This wasn’t new to him. Of course, how can I let go Nithya? She said she wants to talk to me. To me!!! And this was the most important date of my life. She is my true love and my first. Though it wasn’t my first date with some girl but my intentions were genuine this time. Namit knew it, he had to give in. He knew never in my life I was so serious until now. And was that blush from her the opening hint? I could sense some confession from her. Does she feel the same, the way I feel about her? Did I have that special light? How has the breeze from the sea, suddenly turn so cold? I was breathing heavy. My stomach felt empty, my feet went cold. My concentration was on what next could be the special moments I was to spend with her. All of a sudden, busy Bombay seems so romantic.
“Thanks a lot, Anup.” she blushed. Don’t girls love being complemented? How cute she blushed, I lost my heart beat for a moment.
“Where are your friends?” I enquired.
“Actually Anup, can we change the plan? I want to speak to you personally”, she said in a soft innocent tone.
We stared at Namit, who gave us killing looks. After all, five passes all gone wasted. This wasn’t new to him. Of course, how can I let go Nithya? She said she wants to talk to me. To me!!! And this was the most important date of my life. She is my true love and my first. Though it wasn’t my first date with some girl but my intentions were genuine this time. Namit knew it, he had to give in. He knew never in my life I was so serious until now. And was that blush from her the opening hint? I could sense some confession from her. Does she feel the same, the way I feel about her? Did I have that special light? How has the breeze from the sea, suddenly turn so cold? I was breathing heavy. My stomach felt empty, my feet went cold. My concentration was on what next could be the special moments I was to spend with her. All of a sudden, busy Bombay seems so romantic.
“Bhai, please thoda adjust karle yaar”, I stepped aside to request Namit to leave.
“Saale kitni bar!! Okay chalta hun. This is the last time. At least propose her. It’s been a month since you know her and so weird you didn’t propse her yet. This is best chance you have. Trust me saale. Don’t act like an asshole. Maard hai tuh. ”, he was furious, but within this wasn’t new to him.
He gave a friendly smile and customary little ‘hi’ to Nithya and was about to leave.
“Arey Namit, Car keys re!!” I begged again.
“Saale kitni bar!! Okay chalta hun. This is the last time. At least propose her. It’s been a month since you know her and so weird you didn’t propse her yet. This is best chance you have. Trust me saale. Don’t act like an asshole. Maard hai tuh. ”, he was furious, but within this wasn’t new to him.
He gave a friendly smile and customary little ‘hi’ to Nithya and was about to leave.
“Arey Namit, Car keys re!!” I begged again.
He still managed a fake smile in front of his potential bhabhi, and cursed me under his breath. A friend’s sacrifice for his friend’s love often goes unnoticed, unaccounted and most times disrespected. Still, he doesn’t protest it and further helps you out. Guess, that’s what real friendship is all about. I drove her down the lane. She asked me to halt at a park. It was still open. I locked the car, thinking what possible turns my life could take in few minutes.
We moved in, at a slow pace. There were no kids, no fat aunties or ugly faced uncles, just young couples. To my excitement, few were drowned in each other’s lip. It was dark and perfect. Our eyes caught each other, we acted as if we saw nothing happening but I could sense that she was terrified. So I sensed Nithya might not kiss me. We found a private corner. She sat close to me. Her eyes had a sparkle, forget the moon she simply looked fabulous. I told you already, sarees make guys go mad than
the miniskirts, at least me. She started talking something, I couldn’t pay attention I melted in her presence and her aroma helped even more. Her beauty warped me in her thoughts, wish I could kiss her.
“Anup, I actually wanted to tell you something da.”
Now, why is my heartbeat abnormal? I just heard that. It’s even worse than the feeling of having to attend a viva session. All set, my life was all set to change. From flirt, to dedicated person. I don’t mind convincing my parents.
“I have been waiting” I said with immense confidence.
“I don’t know how to tell this to you.” She looked even cuter when she guides her hair along her ear. I started to blush. She quickly took her mobile and showed me something on Facebook.
‘ANAND PRAKASH’, it read. I gasped.
“Your brother eh?”, I quickly retreated, hoping for a yes.
“Illa da. He’s a friend of mine, very close friend than you”, she said smiling broadly.
I didn’t know how to react. What the fuck, I thought I was the closest guy to her in the whole of Bombay. How dare she say that? How cruel. Late night chats, calls and what not and she still says there is someone even closer than me!! I wanted to shout at her. I couldn’t, simply couldn’t.
“I met him at my college’s Annual day last semester. I liked him from the day I met. He’s cute and caring da. We hangout often. I like him a lot. He proposed me last week, but I’m scared don’t know what to do.”, She further continued to stab me.
the miniskirts, at least me. She started talking something, I couldn’t pay attention I melted in her presence and her aroma helped even more. Her beauty warped me in her thoughts, wish I could kiss her.
“Anup, I actually wanted to tell you something da.”
Now, why is my heartbeat abnormal? I just heard that. It’s even worse than the feeling of having to attend a viva session. All set, my life was all set to change. From flirt, to dedicated person. I don’t mind convincing my parents.
“I have been waiting” I said with immense confidence.
“I don’t know how to tell this to you.” She looked even cuter when she guides her hair along her ear. I started to blush. She quickly took her mobile and showed me something on Facebook.
‘ANAND PRAKASH’, it read. I gasped.
“Your brother eh?”, I quickly retreated, hoping for a yes.
“Illa da. He’s a friend of mine, very close friend than you”, she said smiling broadly.
I didn’t know how to react. What the fuck, I thought I was the closest guy to her in the whole of Bombay. How dare she say that? How cruel. Late night chats, calls and what not and she still says there is someone even closer than me!! I wanted to shout at her. I couldn’t, simply couldn’t.
“I met him at my college’s Annual day last semester. I liked him from the day I met. He’s cute and caring da. We hangout often. I like him a lot. He proposed me last week, but I’m scared don’t know what to do.”, She further continued to stab me.
I would have happily allowed her to pump a bullet into my heart than this. It brought me back to my senses. I couldn’t bear it, how simple it was for she to tell. And why telling me now? Your fucking life involving that fucking guy. Fuck off bitch, don’t expect me to play the cupid role. I’m no pimp.
“What do you expect me to do? Go, happily accept him”, I frowned.
“Illa that’s not the point da. I like him so much, he wants to be in a relationship with me”, she continued,” I don’t know what to do. He’s not even talking to me nowadays. I feel so down inside.”
“Ask him to wait, for you at least,” trying sound casual now.
“I told him that so many times, but I keep falling for him everything I speak to him. Such a strange feeling, such I never experienced. Yeah he’s so romantic but these relationships scare me, Anup.” she said kissing her phone.
Yeah it looked cute, if only she kissed me instead of the phone. These girls so psychos, so pickle minded animals. They like a guy, but they don’t tell it out. And if at all the guy moves the first piece on the chess board, they still wonder if they should move their piece.
“But I sometimes think what if he doesn’t love me the way I think he would? What if he loves me just because he thinks I’m beautiful?” she continued.
Another problem with girls is, with so many ‘What if” questions you can never judge their thoughts or mood. She all of a sudden let tears roll down, her cheeks. I couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t dare to ask her, I was busy trying to pacify her.
“Baby, tell me what can I do for? I can’t see you crying”, I said. Her tears weakened my knees. She wept more, leaning on my shoulders.
“Nitu, darling tell me. Please.” I continued. My nouns were so straight from my heart but I simply couldn’t tell her. Neither did I know how else to pacify women, I never did it before but only broke many. I never was emotionally attached to a girl. All I knew was to flirt, but never realized how much it means to love someone. The latter one is difficult, the most especially when you are at the receiving end. I realized it now.
She calmed down but continued, having no other choice I heard her uninterestedly, much to my ego she kept on telling me about this another madrasi and showed me ‘their’ photos. Such annoying, and hurting my ego. She didn’t look any beautiful to me anymore. She didn’t seem to like me one bit. She was in so called love with another madrasi. Screw my life. She was the only girl I love. My first love, my only. And she loves someone else.
“Anup, can I ask a favour from you”, she finally said.
“Haan Nitu, sure. What else are we friends for?” I said, rather diplomatically.
She spoke for some time without letting me interfere, and unveil her plan. It sounded like I was to send a request on Facebook to this Madrasi guy, and introduce myself as Nithya’s school friend. I was to try and spy on him if he really had feelings for Nithya or just airs. Basically though, she simply wanted to be back in talking terms with her ‘close’ friend.I nodded to her every word she said, she felt secured at least. I couldn’t find the ‘plan’ to be anywhere near to easily execute. I left nothing short of a pimp, but couldn’t let down Nithya could I? Still I realized I would do anything for her at that moment. Moments like this you share with a special ‘her’, generates enormous self belief in you. Especially when that someone, leans on your shoulder with a cute sobbing face. Of all this, what was in this for me? If true love hurts you to this extent, why do people ever fall in love?
My Bombay which seemed so romantic a few moments back now seemed to be the worst place for me to live. The breeze didn’t help either turning so violent. I forced myself to blind the light, I saw in her. It didn’t matter. It hurts but this was new to me and it was difficult to hold within. My eyes were moist, my heart bled inside, rather heavily. Namit had to catch a taxi. Three hundred rupees for saloon and five passes gone waste. My dreams too, because of a fucking madrasi guy.
I dropped her at her place. I didn’t speak a word throughout in the car. She seemed at peace and ease, after my heartless promise. I drove off quickly even without wishing her a ‘good night’. I finally let my tears down. I called up Namit.
“Bhai raandi hai bay vo”, I cried to him, while jumping the traffic signal.
“Saale driving kar raha kya? Tuh pehale aja.” He cut the call.
I drove at furious pace. He opened the door and I quickly hugged him. In quick time, I cried in his arms spontaneously. I don't understand why I cried but I cried like a child. She loved someone else. So what? The more I asked myself the more it pained me. Maybe when things start to hurt you, as your first experience, it hurts you limitlessly. That's why maybe they say, everywhere and in everything you need experience. Namit
pacified me doing his best. I told him everything. I cried harder. He slapped me for agreeing to help her.
“I tell you, all these girls are bitches rey. They need us to pay the bills, drive them home, compliment them day in and out and stuffs like this”, he said puffing a cigarette and continued,”And importantly want us make them feel like they are the most important person in the whole of our fucking world. Every girl wants to be treated as a ‘Queen’. She wants to use you. Fucking bitches!!”
I borrowed his cigarette and puffed. I tried to understand what he said, and I was able to do so. All of a sudden, my best friend seemed so correct. It was perfect, she agreed to meet all of a sudden and finally says she came to talk to me personally and therefore asked for a favour to deal with problems. Fuck, everyone is same. Namit was so right. In return, guys wish for some intimacy or even a chance to make love is welcomed. Maybe there is nothing, called true love everything is simply conceptual. Men will be men, and women will be women. People expect something from you to be with you. The world we live in which still follows a ‘barter system’. You do something, you get something in return. I sat up reading all those texts we exchanged in a month, I smiled looking at but finally it left me in tears. I boozed in my pain, with Namit for company. I realized a person who can take you to a mountain’s cliff with love, can also be the person who could push you down from it.
The Agreement
Next day’s hangover was probably worse than my first meeting with Nithya. It was hard to come over the fact of what happened last night.
“See all these madrasi people are like this. Saale extremely good at playing with people’s feeling. She is a bitch bhai I tell you. Saali raandi”, Namit seemed to continue from where left last night.
“Shut up kaminey, I just woke up”, I said. It irritated me.
“See your phone, how many miss calls and texts she left you”, Namit further continued in a complaining tone.
I couldn’t stop myself I rushed to pick my phone up. Without any second thoughts. I called her up. Namit looked at me in disbelief.
“See all these madrasi people are like this. Saale extremely good at playing with people’s feeling. She is a bitch bhai I tell you. Saali raandi”, Namit seemed to continue from where left last night.
“Shut up kaminey, I just woke up”, I said. It irritated me.
“See your phone, how many miss calls and texts she left you”, Namit further continued in a complaining tone.
I couldn’t stop myself I rushed to pick my phone up. Without any second thoughts. I called her up. Namit looked at me in disbelief.
“Hey good morning. Sorry slept long” I said.
“Hangover eh? It’s afternoon Anup. Such innocent voice. Cute da.”, she chuckled.
“Not much. Hmmm what’s the matter. Tell me”, I replied, trying to sound even more serious.
“He accepted your request”, she told being excited. Curses on you God.
“Oh ..okay. I just woke up”
“Oh..Okay? That's all? Dai loosu don't mess up da. Please, I'm so nervous. Don't know what will happen if he comes to know all this.” She spoke like a little child who desires for a cookie.
She evidently was repeating ‘OUR PLAN’. She talked to me for ten more minutes then I hung up. Namit was very irritated of what I’m doing, he was to be. How on earth would someone help one’s love find his/hers love? Maybe history beckons me. I sat down wondering what to do, for a start I turned a deaf ear to Namit. Now that Anand accepted my friend request, what do I talk to him about? Should I brag him about Nithya or confess my true love for her? Or convince him to be in talking terms with Nithya? That’s like million questions in my mind and my heart had answers for none. I smoked packs over it, yet I couldn’t find a ‘perfect’ solution. The problem with discussing with friends is that they would confuse the situation more than the actual, with innumerable solutions.
“Hi bro “, I texted him shamelessly, even without knowing what the future had in store for me.
“Hi bro. Do I know you?” Anand replied. One thing with we guys, is we get along with most stranger guys who start the conversations with a ‘bro’ factor.Works almost always.And of course, doesn’t imply if the stranger is to be a girl.
“Not really,I’m Nithya’s close friend”,I replied trying to dominate.
“Which Nithya?”
“Bro seriously! Nithya Subramaniam”.
“haha just kidding bro! My close friend too! “. Very funny guy I thought to myself sarcastically being paid back in my own coin.
“Hmmmm”.
“So how’s she? Nice gal, Very sweet”.
“Ya, she’s great”.
Suddenly Nithya’s chat box popped up on the side.
“Anup Anup! OMG he’s online da!!”
“Yup I know, I’m chatting” I replied lamely.
“What! What’s he telling?? Piggy I’m so so nervous,” her texts flew in every second
“Ah calm down, I just started”
“Somehow find out if he truly loves me or just for time pass”
“Oh really? :P what do I get to return”
“What do you want? Okay, I will buy you lunch :D “.
“Just lunch??That’s it?“ I mocked her.
“Hmmmm….what do you want then”
“How about buying me a drink! “
“What ??! NO, No!! Get lost idiot! (-_-)“
“Come on, I’m helping you this much, but you can’t do this alone for me! :P”
“Hmmm…Lets see! “ Ahha! typical let’s see!
“Okay chat with him! Mom calling gtg.”
I closed my eyes, I was thinking what exactly happened few minutes ago. I became insane not thinking what was right or wrong! I was nowhere tactical, seemed like a moron gifting away my love to someone else! Namit silently was standing behind and watching, and I logged off.
The Last Hope Realized
I envied this madrasi Anand, he is such a good looking guy with a guitar in his hand and had good profile of social work. Certainly any girl’s dream guy. Looking at his profile, he seems to be a modernized madrasi. Straight hair, fair skin and charming looks.
“You look handsome bro. No wonder Nithya fell for you”, I said.
“LOL, I’m not really good looking and about Nithya, she’s trying to be just a friend. But I can’t hold her in any place other than my heart”.
“Ahem, romantic guy. Stoner?” the last line annoyed me.
“Ah no durgs, I just drink Beer, why?”
“Oh come on, I won’t tell her. I’m not here to spy.”
“LOL fine! But still no, honestly bro!“
Our chat continued, and surprisingly I became a victim of his magic, he spoke frankly, told how he manages himself and of his love story. He submerged me in his aura. Our text chat became phone calls, hours and hours like long lost brothers. We spoke of beer brands, pubs, and of course we discussed how Sunny Leone moved from our recycle bins to desktop wallpaper. He planned to meet, but something always blew up for us not to meet. He smartly told his part of story involving Nithya touched me to the very extent. My paranoid about Nithya lost its sheen, but I still loved her but, I was confused. Anand seemed such a nice guy, while I was not by own admission. He’s the president of some club (I don’t care what’s it about), can play guitar, funny and frank and very intellectual, studies at IIT-B. I was on other hand, a stoner. The same guy you often see sleeping in class, and just knows to road rash with motors. Cars attract girls but still can’t sweep them of their feet. It’s something which a ten thousand worth wooden piece can do but ten lakh worth car can’t.
The more romantic movies I saw, books I read, the more my dilemma grew and often wonders if true love is about giving happiness to that one person you love most. Nicholas Spark quotes in Dear John “I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” What if Nithya’s true happiness lies in being with Anand? Should I play the matchmaker? I couldn’t bear her getting a bad part of the deal. Anand was better than me in every department (except that I love her more than him). But she loves him, she feels his love and me? No, wait have I ever shown my feelings to her? I didn’t utter a thing. Fuck my friendship with Anand. All I damn care is letting her know how much I love her and how much she means to me.
April 3, was her birthday. It is my perfect time to strike the G-spot of her heart. One more dilemma for a guy insure of future is to propose in person or voice call. The former might pronounce you more insulted and uncounted than the latter or even a slap to get along. I didn’t return Anand’s calls nor Nithya’s. They left texts asking me to call back. But I didn’t prefer to that, like once my aunt said,
“One’s absence in your life, only leads to the growth of love for that person.”
It seemed a perfect mantra, to burst out of nowhere to propose her. Namit helped with the background work. He was still mystified about me and my feeling for Nithya even after knowing about Anand but he promised to help me. Using his father’s influence he reserved a table for two at a leading restaurant. I wanted to spend every rupee that would lead to this moment of mine with Nithya. It’s my moment to be after all. I bought her a saree, the first my budget could afford.
April 3, 2012
12:00 AM
“Will pick you up at 6 PM. Surprise awaiting for you. I won’t take no for a reply. See you then”, I texted her.
01:30 AM
“Thanks da. Sure, Can’t wait, looking forward.” She replied
6.00 PM
I wore a black blazer over denim. Taking Namit’s car, I drove down to Nithya’s hostel. She dazzled me white top and looked at her figure in aww, sexiness redefined. She was incredibly beautiful to my liking. I wish I would propose her, in middle of a busy road with the exact lines I say to her every night in my dreams.
“Happy Birthday to you Nithya”, I wished her beamingly.
“Thanks a lot, Anup. So sweet of you, I can’t wait.”
She sat in the car, it was silence at its best, I occasionally stolen glances at her. She makes me feel crazy, today was the day for me to make it and break it and her presence by my side makes it even worse. I switched on the audio play to ease myself from thinking too much.
“Pehli nazar mein kaise jaado kar diya” She hummed along with the audio player.
“Catching up hindi pretty well huh?“ I chuckled.
“Hehe, yup. These romantic melodies. I love this guy Atif Asalm.”
“He’s a Pakistani!”
“So? It’s about music and a person not about his nationality” she stared at me with her look.
“Alright, alright. At least he is married,” I chuckled driving down in 20 mintues.
The Restaurant
“Here’s your seat mademoiselle,” I opened up a chair for her.
“Haha Thanks Mister Anup Mishra,” she smiled, how beautiful she looked.
I looked around and had to thank Namit for this, the place looked great, the ambience too was, such a fine place to dine. It looked surreal, finest of dining sets, romantic music at background, and perfectly private, far from other tables. I opened the menu. Looking at the prices, I cursed Namit though.
“So, here we are, what do like to have Nitu?” I asked her, shutting the expensive menu booklet.
“Where’s everyone else, Namit especially,” she asked me.
“Nah, he couldn’t make it, he had some internship programs,” I lied.
“Okay. I can’t wait for this,” I continued, changing the topic.
“Happy birthday Nithya,” with a beaming smile I presented her a saree, which my mom chose.
“Thank you very much Anup.” She smiled. Such a smile, she has.
“And I have something really really special to tell you,” she seemed excited.
“No, let me tell you first something,“ I countered, I was beginning to shiver, my stomach felt so empty and my bladder seemed so full yet I felt mass less.
I reached out for a letter in my pocket, a love letter while holding her hand.
“Nithya, I really like you a lot…“
“Anup no me first, I really love you sweetheart, “she cut me short of completing and hugged me tightly across the table.
I was surprised, it really did surprise me. It was am insane feeling. Forget the letter. It seemed a perfect chance to kiss, dim light, romantic music and her perfume was sensual, absolutely urging to an extent. Ain’t the cheek, the best place for the first kiss or is it the lips? Yeah! I too bent forward. She smiled. Simply surreal.
The Last Hug
“Did Anand tell you anything or what?” she continued, leaning back to her seat.
I just heard ‘Anand’, ain’t that bloody madrasi still out of my life. I looked at her with quizzing look.
“Ya, Anup. Thank you so much da. I’m in a so so beautiful relationship with him.“ she said with one of her cute expressions.
What the Hell! I would rather like to be fed alive to insects.
“When and how?“ I asked her, without toning down my curiosity.
I left her hand. Something is not happening right. By something I mean everything.
“He called me last night and insisted a surprise and I did a crazy thing. I jumped the walls of my hostel. “, she exclaimed, but still I had a rigid face.
“Then?”
“He drove me down to marine drive. It was breezy and a moonlit night. At midnight, he opened a cake for me. It read, “I love you Nithya.” So romantic guy na?” she exclaimed.
“Wow “, I said, of course with irritation.
“The funny part is I cried seeing it haha. Anand really loves me da. He means it and it show and then he… “, she stopped abruptly and was shy to continue.
“then what?” sounding even more curious.
“Nothing. It was the most beautiful night of my life,” she still was shy, keeping her head low. I had no idea what to say or react, may I didn’t have a right to do so. Such a coward I’m. Loved her, so much yet couldn’t tell her a word and by the time I tell her, I
was no more a part of her world. She pulled a bottle of “BARCADI” from her big hand bag. It seemed expensive.
“This is for you, Anup, just like I promised.“
“Oh my! Should be expensive,“ trying to be astonished.
“It worth’s nothing more than your help for me. I am so damn lucky to have a friend like you. Incredible, such a sweetheart. You have always been my 3 AM friend, made me do crazy thing and showed the whole of Mumbai. I wonder who else can be like you. Carefree, yet loveable and caring about others. You look so cute too!!“
The food arrived in the mean time, I smiled at her and concentrated on it. Okay yeah that was heart touching to be mentioned like that. Really nice, but only if felt her as a friend. It really was rubbing self on the wound. It hurts.
“Guess what? Anand is coming here in 30 minutes.“ she said, after reading a text on her phone.
“Great, I am looking forward to meet him“
“Enna da ?? what happened? you are speaking so diplomatically” she felt the difference in me.
“Ha nothing I’m alright.” I replied with a fake smile.
If it meant anything, it meant I was to be in an awkward meeting in 30 minutes. I certainly feel like killing him. My throat wished to taste blood. I was furious, so much within. I really wished to penetrate the fork even through Nithya’s throat or maybe mine. I didn’t deserve anything in life. I don’t. Period.
My phone rang. An unknown number.
“Hello sir, I’m calling from Airtel,” a sweet voice on other side.
“Yea’ tell me”
“Are you looking for a postpaid sim. We have so many offers, you can’t resist.”
“Really? “, I replied, as if shocked.
“Hello are you there sir?” the sweet voice enquired.
“Where is he? What happened to him?” I replied in hasty pace.
“Who sir? I said I’m calling from Airtel,” she continued sounding surprised.
“Nithya, I have to rush, Namit met with an accident,” I exclaimed.
“Oh my! Where? Where is he now?” she worried and her eyes turned moist.
“Don’t worry I will take care of this one. Do I have to drop you somewhere?” I enquired. I felt no nervousness at all, lying to her. I made a fun of her, but at this moment I don’t give a fuck about it. I didn’t want to meet Anand, never in my life.
“No, Anup. He is as much as my friend as yours.” She insisted.
“Nithya, listen I understand but this is an emergency situation, I will take care.”
“I will take care of myself, Anup. You go quick,” she said after much resistance.
She voluntarily gave me a tight hug. I couldn’t feel it I became an emotional retard in matter of minutes, but nevertheless it was a hug and it would certainly my last with Nithya. I ran towards the exit, I ran out of her, I ran for my life.
“Thank you, darling for calling me at the right moment you just saved my life, love you. Note down my number if you like to, we will have coffee.” I then continued to speak on the phone after supposedly ‘rushed’ out of the restaurant. The old me is back.
I just heard ‘Anand’, ain’t that bloody madrasi still out of my life. I looked at her with quizzing look.
“Ya, Anup. Thank you so much da. I’m in a so so beautiful relationship with him.“ she said with one of her cute expressions.
What the Hell! I would rather like to be fed alive to insects.
“When and how?“ I asked her, without toning down my curiosity.
I left her hand. Something is not happening right. By something I mean everything.
“He called me last night and insisted a surprise and I did a crazy thing. I jumped the walls of my hostel. “, she exclaimed, but still I had a rigid face.
“Then?”
“He drove me down to marine drive. It was breezy and a moonlit night. At midnight, he opened a cake for me. It read, “I love you Nithya.” So romantic guy na?” she exclaimed.
“Wow “, I said, of course with irritation.
“The funny part is I cried seeing it haha. Anand really loves me da. He means it and it show and then he… “, she stopped abruptly and was shy to continue.
“then what?” sounding even more curious.
“Nothing. It was the most beautiful night of my life,” she still was shy, keeping her head low. I had no idea what to say or react, may I didn’t have a right to do so. Such a coward I’m. Loved her, so much yet couldn’t tell her a word and by the time I tell her, I
was no more a part of her world. She pulled a bottle of “BARCADI” from her big hand bag. It seemed expensive.
“This is for you, Anup, just like I promised.“
“Oh my! Should be expensive,“ trying to be astonished.
“It worth’s nothing more than your help for me. I am so damn lucky to have a friend like you. Incredible, such a sweetheart. You have always been my 3 AM friend, made me do crazy thing and showed the whole of Mumbai. I wonder who else can be like you. Carefree, yet loveable and caring about others. You look so cute too!!“
The food arrived in the mean time, I smiled at her and concentrated on it. Okay yeah that was heart touching to be mentioned like that. Really nice, but only if felt her as a friend. It really was rubbing self on the wound. It hurts.
“Guess what? Anand is coming here in 30 minutes.“ she said, after reading a text on her phone.
“Great, I am looking forward to meet him“
“Enna da ?? what happened? you are speaking so diplomatically” she felt the difference in me.
“Ha nothing I’m alright.” I replied with a fake smile.
If it meant anything, it meant I was to be in an awkward meeting in 30 minutes. I certainly feel like killing him. My throat wished to taste blood. I was furious, so much within. I really wished to penetrate the fork even through Nithya’s throat or maybe mine. I didn’t deserve anything in life. I don’t. Period.
My phone rang. An unknown number.
“Hello sir, I’m calling from Airtel,” a sweet voice on other side.
“Yea’ tell me”
“Are you looking for a postpaid sim. We have so many offers, you can’t resist.”
“Really? “, I replied, as if shocked.
“Hello are you there sir?” the sweet voice enquired.
“Where is he? What happened to him?” I replied in hasty pace.
“Who sir? I said I’m calling from Airtel,” she continued sounding surprised.
“Nithya, I have to rush, Namit met with an accident,” I exclaimed.
“Oh my! Where? Where is he now?” she worried and her eyes turned moist.
“Don’t worry I will take care of this one. Do I have to drop you somewhere?” I enquired. I felt no nervousness at all, lying to her. I made a fun of her, but at this moment I don’t give a fuck about it. I didn’t want to meet Anand, never in my life.
“No, Anup. He is as much as my friend as yours.” She insisted.
“Nithya, listen I understand but this is an emergency situation, I will take care.”
“I will take care of myself, Anup. You go quick,” she said after much resistance.
She voluntarily gave me a tight hug. I couldn’t feel it I became an emotional retard in matter of minutes, but nevertheless it was a hug and it would certainly my last with Nithya. I ran towards the exit, I ran out of her, I ran for my life.
“Thank you, darling for calling me at the right moment you just saved my life, love you. Note down my number if you like to, we will have coffee.” I then continued to speak on the phone after supposedly ‘rushed’ out of the restaurant. The old me is back.
Epilogue
Three years later..
It was certainly an unforgettable evening, rather an unforgettable part of my life I shared with Nithya and supposedly with Anand. Three years have passed on, I hardly stay in contact with them, Anand bagged a good package in campus selection at IIT-B and his relationship status states he is engaged with Nithya and is soon to be married, an invite I don’t want honour. Nithya pesters me on Facebook with her complains that I don’t return her texts, I read it and yet mark unread. Sometimes makes me wonder if girls choose to be in a relationship with a guy with a brighter future, degrading the importance of where he loved her in the first place, like me I faked a lot, of course exception of Nithya. Maybe Anand loves Nithya, for me like Nicholas Spark said, I’m happy when my love, Nithya is happy but don’t have the guts to face her, I mean who has the guts to face a person who loved so much but couldn’t express your feelings to her. Like everybody else, my first heartbreak taught me a great deal about people and life. Karma is true, you have to face it! I wish I had the guts to express my feelings for Nithya, instead of bothering what possibly the outcome was to be. Those moments are life defining ones, either way but I chose not to. One big mistake, I rue till now. Ha! It’s time I close my chapter and another Facebook friend request, I received now.
‘RIYA WILSON’ it reads. Ha! Maybe another love story in my life.
It was certainly an unforgettable evening, rather an unforgettable part of my life I shared with Nithya and supposedly with Anand. Three years have passed on, I hardly stay in contact with them, Anand bagged a good package in campus selection at IIT-B and his relationship status states he is engaged with Nithya and is soon to be married, an invite I don’t want honour. Nithya pesters me on Facebook with her complains that I don’t return her texts, I read it and yet mark unread. Sometimes makes me wonder if girls choose to be in a relationship with a guy with a brighter future, degrading the importance of where he loved her in the first place, like me I faked a lot, of course exception of Nithya. Maybe Anand loves Nithya, for me like Nicholas Spark said, I’m happy when my love, Nithya is happy but don’t have the guts to face her, I mean who has the guts to face a person who loved so much but couldn’t express your feelings to her. Like everybody else, my first heartbreak taught me a great deal about people and life. Karma is true, you have to face it! I wish I had the guts to express my feelings for Nithya, instead of bothering what possibly the outcome was to be. Those moments are life defining ones, either way but I chose not to. One big mistake, I rue till now. Ha! It’s time I close my chapter and another Facebook friend request, I received now.
‘RIYA WILSON’ it reads. Ha! Maybe another love story in my life.
